This article was written by Kayelene Kerr from eSafeKids.
Have you found yourself realising screen time has escalated from 'a little bit too much' to 'too much'. Whether it's due to extended holidays, illness or a hectic period in family life, the decision to scale back is made, but you're bracing for the inevitable challenges ahead - arguments, protests of unfairness and comparisons with what 'everyone else is allowed.' The good news is reducing screen time doesn’t have to involve drastic measures or a complete 'digital detox'.
Reasons to support moderate ‘screen time’ in childhood
When screen time becomes excessive it can displace the opportunity for children to engage in other activities that are vital for their developing bodies and brains. For some children screen time can also impact their mood, behaviour and choices. There are also broader heath, wellbeing and personal safety considerations, including disrupted sleep patterns, decreased physical activity and consuming hurtful, harmful and age-inappropriate content.
Excessive screen time can also:
Reduce time for active play
Reduce time for social contact/connection
Reduce opportunities for language development
Reduce physical activity
Reduce a child's ability to remain focused and concentrate on a task
Impact motor development
Contribute to sub-optimal bone and muscle growth
Contribute to unhealthy eating habits
Contribute to digital eye strain
Effect short term memory
Contribute to poor sleep quantity and quality
Reduced the opportunity to learn self-regulation via co-regulation with a trusted adult.
Reducing or adjusting screen time means making decisions that may not be met with enthusiasm from your child. It involves setting clear boundaries and sticking to them, even when faced with resistance. While these moments may be challenging they are essential for fostering healthy habits and teaching your child about the importance of moderate use, a vital 21st century skill.
Remember, your role as a parent is not just to enforce rules but also to teach, guide and support your child to learn how to manage screen time. This involves open communication, listening to their concerns, explaining the reasons behind your decisions and modelling moderate use of digital technologies.
There are a number of approaches to reset screen time boundaries, for the purpose of this blog I’ll discuss two options, 'cold turkey' and 'slow and gradual'.
For over ten years I’ve supported families to intentionally create family technology plans and screen time boundaries. Irrespective of whether you choose the 'cold turkey' or 'slow and gradual' approach here are some points to consider before you implement change.
Planning for changing
Monitor Screen Time
Monitor how your child currently uses their device/s. Assess whether screen time is productive or if it involves mindless scrolling. Understanding usage patterns can help you make more conscious decisions about when and how to to adjust screen time.
Tip: Use apps or built-in features on devices to track and manage screen time.
Communicate Change is Coming
Adjusting boundaries because unhealthy habits have started to creep in can be a delicate process. To begin communicate that change is coming.
“Hey I’ve noticed you/we have been using our devices a lot lately, on the weekend I’d like to sit down and talk with you about this.”
Set a date and time for a family meeting to discuss the upcoming changes.
Choose the Right Time and Approach
Plan for a calm moment when everyone is available, relaxed and open to conversation. Approach the conversation with a mindset of collaboration and mutual respect.
Tip: Avoid bringing up the impending changes to screen time in the midst of conflict or when anyone is stressed or dysregulated.
Acknowledge the Issue & Explain the Reasons
Start by acknowledging that there has been an excessive amount/or increase of screen time. Be honest about your concerns regarding its impact on their well-being, such as sleep patterns, physical activity and overall mental health. Emphasise that you're addressing this because you care about their health and wellbeing. Share specific observations about their screen time habits and how it may be affecting them or the family negatively.
Tip: Ask if they’ve noticed the changes in themselves? Helping everyone understand the ‘why’ can increase buy-in.
Empower Children in Decision-Making
Recognise your child’s growing independence and desire to be involved in decision-making. Frame the conversation as a collective effort to find a moderate approach to screen time that works for everyone. Encourage them to share their thoughts and feelings about their screen habits. Listen actively to your child’s perspective without interrupting. Validate their feelings and concerns.
Tip: Ask your child what they think positive change could look like. This shows that we're doing this 'with them', not 'to them'.
Brainstorm Solutions
Invite your child to brainstorm ideas for reducing screen time. Discuss alternative activities they enjoy or would like to explore. By approaching the conversation with empathy, respect and with a focus on collaboration, you empower your child to take ownership of their screen time habits and contribute to family decisions.
Tip: When my boys were younger we did, 'Minecraft Monday', 'Tech Free Tuesday', 'Water Play Wednesday' etc. Remember what works for one child/family may not work for another.
Agree on Goals and Consequences
Discuss together what constitutes reasonable screen time limits for weekdays and weekends. Discuss consequences if the agreed-upon limits are not respected. Ensure these consequences are fair and understood by everyone in the family. Reassure your child that you're there to support them in this transition. Setting realistic and achievable goals for reducing screen time is key. It’s important to balance aspirations with practical limitations. Instead of aiming for a drastic reduction, focus on manageable goals that fit within your family life.
Tip: Start with small, incremental goals, such as reducing screen time by 15 minutes a day, and adjust based on what feels feasible and achievable for your child/family.
Encourage Alternate Activities
The most effective strategy I’ve used is ‘crowd out’. Screen time reduces when we crowd out the time for it. Providing alternative activities to replace screen time can be challenging depending on your family circumstances, but finding alternate activities that your child enjoys can make this transition smoother and more manageable. Encourage hobbies, physical activities, reading or family outings.
Tip: Read eSafeKids Blog Reducing Screen Time: Crowd Out & Chase Flow.
Monitor & Adjust
Once an agreement is reached, clearly define the new screen time limits and when they will come into effect. Keep an eye on how the new rules are working and be prepared to make adjustments based on feedback and how well they’re being followed or working for your family.
Tip: Allow for some flexibility in the rules and be open to revisiting and adjusting them as needed.
Model Healthy Screen Habits
Lead by example. Show your child how you manage your own screen time. Be mindful of your device usage and prioritise quality time together without screens. Create an environment where your child feels comfortable discussing their screen time concerns. Encourage open dialogue about challenges they (and you) may face in reducing screen time and brainstorm solutions together.
Tip: Model the behaviour you want to see. If you find it challenging be open with your child about it.
Option 1: Cold Turkey
Introducing changes to screen time can be challenging, but sometimes taking a direct approach - like going 'cold turkey' - can be the most effective path to initiate change. This will work well for some children and families and will NOT work for others. 'Cold Turkey' can be challenging, especially for children who might be heavily reliant on screens for entertainment, education and social interaction.
Option 2: Slow & Gradual
The 'slow and gradual' approach to managing screen time recognises that both parents and children may need time to adjust. Instead of imposing drastic changes overnight, this approach involves setting realistic goals over a reasonable timeframe, typically a few weeks. This approach toward reducing screen time isn't a sprint - it's a gradual, deliberate and an incremental process that caters to the unique dynamics of your family.
To begin, it's essential to establish clear boundaries and expectations regarding screen time. Start by identifying what both you and your child deem acceptable for weekday and weekend usage. This initial agreement forms the foundation for the gradual reduction process.
With the end goal in mind, break down the journey into manageable steps. Collaborate with your child to determine incremental reductions that you both can agree upon. For example, if the current screen time allowance is 2 hours a day, but it’s blown out to 4+ hours aim to reduce it by half an hour per day over a few weeks. If change is going to take more time you could start with a 15 minute adjustment.
Throughout the screen time reduction period, anticipate challenges that may arise. Remain flexible yet firm in upholding the agreed-upon adjustments. As the weeks progress, celebrate milestones achieved. Acknowledge the efforts made by both you and your child in adhering to the agreement.
The 'slow and gradual' approach isn't just about reducing screen time; it's about fostering collaboration and shared decision-making. By embracing this method, parents can empower their child to actively participate in managing their screen habits while nurturing a sense of ownership and autonomy over their choices.
A final thought
Managing 'screen time' with a 'screen-keen' child is undoubtedly a challenge, but it's also an opportunity to teach valuable lessons that support the development of healthy habits and eventually self-regulation. Stay patient, stay consistent, stay predictable and work together towards moderate screen use.
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About The Author
Kayelene Kerr is recognised as one of Western Australia’s most experienced specialist providers of Protective Behaviours, Body Safety, Cyber Safety, Digital Wellness and Pornography education workshops. Kayelene is passionate about the prevention of child abuse and sexual exploitation, drawing on over 27 years’ experience of study and law enforcement, investigating sexual crimes, including technology facilitated crimes. Kayelene delivers engaging and sought after prevention education workshops to educate, equip and empower children and young people, and to help support parents, carers, educators and other professionals. Kayelene believes protecting children from harm is a shared responsibility and everyone can play a role in the care, safety and protection of children. Kayelene aims to inspire the trusted adults in children’s lives to tackle sometimes challenging topics.
About eSafeKids
eSafeKids strives to reduce and prevent harm through proactive prevention education, supporting and inspiring parents, carers, educators and other professionals to talk with children, young people and vulnerable adults about protective behaviours, body safety, cyber safety, digital wellness and pornography. eSafeKids is based in Perth, Western Australia.
eSafeKids provides books and resources to teach children about social and emotional intelligence, resilience, empathy, gender equality, consent, body safety, protective behaviours, cyber safety, digital wellness, media literacy, puberty and pornography.
eSafeKids books can support educators teaching protective behaviours and child abuse prevention education that aligns with the Western Australian Curriculum, Australian Curriculum, Early Years Learning Framework (EYLF) and National Quality Framework: National Quality Standards (NQS).
